Today, I was in a Kundalini class. Kundalini is always hard for me. I have this visceral emotional reaction during my practice. Usually during squats. And today's set was chock full o' squats. During a series of squats, that all too familiar distress began to arise. I began to feel despair: deep, all encompassing, overwhelming despair. The walls closed in - I had to stop. I was afraid to continue. I thought "there is no way that I can press into the ground and extend my legs even one more time. I can't. It's impossible". But I did. I did those squats. I found myself lowering down on the exhale and pressing up on the inhale for another 45 seconds or so. Through out I felt scared, but something in me said "be scared, but do this too". And I did.
At the end of our practice, my teacher closes by saying "bow your head in gratitude to the wisdom of the heart". My heart knew that I was safe doing my squats. My heart knew that I thought I couldn't but that I really could. My heart knows that I can survive fear. Even if I don't fully believe it - my heart knows it. My heart trusts me to come to the plate to protect myself if need be.
It's strange how we hold these emotions in our bodies and are able to release them with the right practice. And letting them go frees us of them. It's a process to be sure. But with trust in ourselves we all get through.
"Bow to the wisdom of the heart".....it knows more than your brain :)
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